so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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