So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We smell like vodka and hangover
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