How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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