so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
