I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
