My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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