Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
