and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
