I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
high people should be assigned attendants
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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