I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
