i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
