dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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