He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
