worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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