this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
