Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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