great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
