They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
