Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
everyone is single if you try hard enough
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
