All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
