Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
