Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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