It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
