I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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