That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
