Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
