Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
