I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
