Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
