im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude. I can hear the air.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
