It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
