so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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