one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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