For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Alive.
So much puke
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
