erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
