Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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