i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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