he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
