so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Vodka?
Forever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
