my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
