3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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