Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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