I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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