I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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