You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
