so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
