I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
