God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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