Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize