Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
