Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
