I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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