The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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