I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
