I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
