Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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