Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
