No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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