I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
