Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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