You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
