Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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