He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
