i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
