This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
