It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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