I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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