I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
