Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sarcasm needs its own font
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
