I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
