I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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